Top Ten Facts of Life for Playing in Clubs and Restaurants

* Unless you are in a concert situation, most of the people are not there to hear you. Your music is incidental. People go to restaurants and bars to eat, to drink, to socialize, do business, or maybe to be alone in a crowd. So if you reach some of them and entertain them, you've done a hell of a job.
* In most restaurants, your main objective is to try to entertain without bothering anybody.
* Any volume is too loud for someone.
* The talent of anyone who wants to sit in is inversely proportional to how insistent he or his friends are about his sitting in. The most talented musician that you would really like to play with will be sitting there quietly and will have left his axe in the car.
* The crowd would rather hear a terrible rendition of "Sweet Caroline" than the tastiest arrangement of one of your originals that they've never heard before.
* The customer who asked for "Sweet Caroline", his favorite song, won't realize you're playing it until you actually reach the word "Sweet".
* Someone in the crowd will have halfway heard you play "Sweet Caroline" and it will remind him of the song so he'll request it right after you've just played it.
* Unless you want to marry her and be the one who takes her home every night, don't hitch your star to a girl singer.
* Every horn player who wants to sit in "used to play with James Brown or Brother Ray."

.....And the number one fact of life in playing in clubs and restaurants:

* Your slowest night, with the most obnoxious crowd and the worst response, is immeasurably better than the best day you ever had at a day job...


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courtesy of the one and only Michael Hart, photographer extraordinaire and Sharon Montgomery's sweetie!

One or two more:

- After you play a burning rendition of "Cherokee" or "Confirmation" at a breakneck speed, someone will walk up to you and say "Can you play something fast?" (meaning something they have heard before on pop radio).

- As a solo pianist, you will get a request to play "Something by U2 or Prince" (Kelly Dean regularly pulls it off, the little bastard!)

and don't forget:

When you are on break, someone will ask you what you do for a living...

or for the check-

Duane, can you play Oleo with an accordian patch?

No, but I can play accordian with oleo...

That should be illegal.....

Next Texas state fair: Fried accordeon

....on a stick, of course.

Where do all the accordionists go to church?

Our Lady Of Spain

Tom Hope,

That's brilliant!!!!!

Greetings, I would say it would depends on the Reataurant and what are you playing, we went to Kemah Restaurant which use to close at 11. pm, when we started jamming, the owner came to us and asked if we could stay longer because the place was full and a lot of people in the bar. When I was playing with, Dr. King Cobra Band, they set up the, 'Caribbean Nights' at The Red Cat Jazz Cafe, before we play there, they would close all the times at about 11:30 pm, because it was already slow, when we started playing on the Caribbean Nights, they could not afford to close early, Dave, would came to me and ask how much to keep it going, ( I was the one who set up the gig). It happened several times in the 1980's in the latino/market, with several Restaurants. Gerry Zaragemca

another entry for the list:

you may be fired via email

Greetings, on one of the Trio set up, we were playing at the Brazilian Restaurant at Beechnut. It was, guitar/singer, Jamoca on Sax, and I was playing percussion, the food was great, but the place was small. I told one of the owner that he was losing money, because people were coming, but it was always full so they should get bigger place. They did, and set up a great Restaurant, around, Sage and West Alabama. A Libanese with money love the place and bought it out. We lost the gig with my advise, Gerry Zaragemca

So what you're saying, Gerry, is don't give club owners good advice?

No really, I always would have a good relationship with owners, regardless. Gerry Zaragemca

I love this - great advise :)

Thank you!!!